Sting Ray

When I was 14-or-so I went on vacation with my parents to the Caribbean. The trip was the best trip that anyone could have ever planned. We went swimming and snorkeling in the bluest water, ate the best food and had the most fun. Ever. Everything about that trip stirs great memories... except one.

While on vacation my family and I had an amazing time. We lounged our time away and it was all blissful and great until the second to last day. We decided to go on an adventure in the Cayman Islands that would completely ruin my impression of sting rays for forever. FOR-EV-VER!

We decided to go on a trip with some shitty little adventure guide who would have been more qualified to do anything but take unexpecting tourists into the middle of the ocean and dump us into giant sting ray infested water.

Anyways, being delusional from the 'vacation high' we decide to go regardless of his lack of credentials. Whats the worst that can happen to an American family in a Latin American country? Right? Have you seen the movie Hostel? I have. That could have happened. Not good.

So we board his little boat with some other delusional families and drift out into the middle of the freakin' ocean where he drops anchor... this was also alarming to 14-year-old me.. we are in the middle of the ocean Señor it can't reach the bottom...

So after I decided that I'm already in the middle of the ocean with these strange people and my family I might as well see what all the fuss was about regarding sting rays.. except that these water demons killed freakin Steve Irwin the mother effing crocodile hunter!

He expects all of us to jump out of the boat and get into the ocean with these freak creatures.

We do. (Remember the delusional vacation high? Yeah, its still happening. Why else would we get into water filled with 8 ft. long Sting Rays?)

Once we are in the water I completely lose my vacation high and lose my mind.

"WHAT THE F&*$!!!!!!!! WHY AM I IN THE MIDDLE OF THE F^&*(# OCEAN WITH STING RAYS?!"

This was only the beginning. I can pretty much guarantee that you have never seen someone freak out so badly in your entire life as I did. I was screaming and crying and screaming again even louder.

Somewhere in between my hysteria I managed to get squid on my stomach. By the way, Sting Rays eat Squid.

Sting Rays <3 Squid= Sting Rays <3 sucking on my squid flavored stomach= Me freaking the f*&% out, again.

These Irwin killers we breaching on my stomach and flicking their barbs too close to my body for me to retain any sort of sanity. Again, I go back into hysterics and deem it necessary for me to scale my stepdad so I can get my ass out of the demon infested water.

This time I manage to scare anyone in our tour group under 15 out of the water because my display is so convincing that these creatures are in fact killers and they will in fact kill you.

Somehow, I manage to get back onto the dinghy where I stayed for the rest of the 'adventure' even though my parents were trying to convince me that its safe to be in the water. It wasn't convincing me. So after everyone was done having their play date with death via sting ray they finally got back on the little boat and we paddled back to land where I swore off ever getting into the ocean in the Cayman Islands again. 

In fact, I still hate sting rays... and sometimes even the Cayman Islands.









BTW:
THIS is a giant sting ray... 

This deserves its own post...

This is my favorite thing on the internet right now!



This girl is so funny... She's so mad that she doesn't even make sense... We've all been there though :) Its okay mystery girl <3


-----> GO!     Dramatic reading of a real break up letter...

he was a damn bastert anyways... HAHA!

Do you read the walls?

In honor of Spring Break I decided to do a post about bathroom stall art. Everyone is traveling and inevitably using rest stop bathrooms that almost always have interesting, inspiring, funny or quirky quotes or drawings on the walls. Let me just say, I love them! I love the fact that I can read them while peeing!

Recently, I drove down to Tucson and, of course, I stopped on the way. Because I'm a girl, and I have a small bladder. It happens. Anyways, while I was stopped to go to the bathroom I saw a really cute thing in the stall! It completely made my day so I figured I'd pass it along :)

Ok, well that was the only one I took on my trip to Tucson... but here are some other ones I found hilarious and cute :)

This one is just plain incredible





































Photo cedit: adrants.com




So I gotta ask... Do you read the writing on the bathroom walls? Or do you ignore it? Whats your favorite?


My all time favorite I remember from some random stall is...

"If you love your man, show some class. 
Don't write is name where you wipe your ass." 


-Unfortunately, I didn't take a pic of it when I saw it!

I'm not dead!

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted much lately... I've been super busy! I've moved out of my old room with the roommate problems and into a new one! And I've also had mid terms! Which sucked! Just letting you guys know that I have a huge post in the works so keep an eye out ;)

Roommates REVISED!

Recently people have been telling me about their roommates and the terrors they've had with them. All of these stories are completely true from real people. :)








Ali-


Ali- "When I first moved in it was fine and dandy. I mean, we got along pretty well, but then I wanted to experience college and she was more of a homebody. So of course our room always had people in it because I invited people from my dorm to come hang out so I could meet people and such, which she seemed fine with. Then we got to our roommate agreement. Which she specificially said no boys were ever allowed to stay the night, or past 10 pm for that matter. But she was very conservative, so I was like fine, whatever. I have a lot of guy friends from home but whenever they came up they had to find somewhere else to stay. But whatever, it was half her room too, so yeah. 

   But then all of a sudden it was like she always had to be in bed by 9 and disapporoved when I came home later than 9 pm (on weekends too mind you) and she started going crazy. She always read from the bible and left it on her desk, but then she started preaching to me on how I was a bad person because I drank alcohol (on weekends!) and how that was bad that was and how God would punish me one day and all this stuff. So then she started telling me that I was going nowhere in life and threatened me with all these things and then finally she just started going home on the weekends (she was a Flagstaff native), well actually thursday thru monday morning so I didn't have to be around her and she didn't have to be around me. On the days that she was there, she was seriously the cleanest person I had ever met and would yell at me like my mother to get out of bed and clean my room and do all this stuff and I was like, 'I came to college to get away from my mom....thanks'. So eventually she moved out because she went crazy and threatened to push me out the window because I came home intoxicated one night.....and now everytime I see her, I duck around the corner so she doesn't try to bless me."

Chad-








"My roommate Hayden grew up in Central Oregon, a redneck at heart and a slacker who claimed his major was snowboarding with a minor in getting high. Needless to say, our core beliefs were essentially polar opposites from one another. While we had our good times, we argued almost every day about something neither of us would give in on. By Thanksgiving, I was ready for a change. Apparently, so was he - some friends of mine have told me that one night soon after I moved to a new hall, Hayden decided he wasn't too happy with me. Whether jokingly or not, he decided to carry with him a real samurai sword around our old hall, saying he wanted to "talk to me." He eventually stuck the sword into the roof of the building, where it stayed for at least a week. Turns out he doesn't even remember this incident (I'm sure you know why), but thank goodness I wasn't anywhere near him that night! The seperation was good for us and our relationship improved with the added distance between us. "


Chad 2-



"Matt is an entirely different story: a freshman dating a high school senior four hours away, he stayed on the phone with her all hours of the night, doing nothing but laying in bed talking. Sometimes neither of them would say a word on the phone for more than 20 minutes! I also once timed a phone call of his to her. They were on the phone from 5pm until 11:30 that same night. I was across the room, ripping my hair out the entire time. Putting scissors through my eyes would've been more entertaining. He once even started to have phone sex with her while I was trying to fall asleep. I put a quick end to that one. Despite the fact that he was a nice kid, the fact that he never went out or seemed to do anything interesting grated against me - almost as bad as the screamo he blared every day. When his girlfriend and her parents visited on Valentine's Day, I got either the stink eye or the cold shoulder from all of them - he obviously didn't have the nicest things to say about me either I suppose.The day my dorm experience ended was one of the most relieved days of my life."

Oh, college. What experiences!  






p.s. I'm going to keep updating this post as I get more stories, keep checking back :) 






Update-
I've finally moved out of the old room. YAY!!!! So you guys don't have to worry anymore.. my new room is perfect :) not to mention clean! which is a huge relief! 

My cold/flu/snotty/coughy/sneezy mixture

I have the sickness from hell. Its like a cold/flu/snotty/coughy/sneezy mixture that could ultimately be cause of my demise. I feel like a leaky troll walking around. Every single one of my facial orifices are secreting fluids. Its sexy. My nose, mouth, eyes, yum! Not to mention, I could probably fry an egg on my forehead.

To top off everything, everyone I see tells me: "you look like shit", "you look horrible", "wow, you look bad." It really makes me happy, feel really good about myself and better about my sickness. Thanks!

So I finally decided to go to the University health center to get help for my cold/flu/snotty/coughy/sneezy mixture.

They made me wait, forever. Jerks just left me wallowing in my sickness, dripping snot on myself.

I get called up and they asked me for insurance, which I gave them. All is great. Blah blah blah. Then my make me go BACK to the waiting room, where I drip more fluids all over everything (haha, thats what you get for making me wait all by myself, I'l infect everyone out of spite!)

Finally, I get back into the doctors office and they are the rudest people ever. They assume that because I'm a college student and I'm female that they automatically conclude I'm a whore and I'm pregnant. Trust me, I'm not pregnant nor am I a whore. Plus, I don't think that having a faucet for a nose is a symptom of either. Geez! How stupid to do you have to be?! I came in for help with a my cold/flu/snotty/coughy/ sneezy mixture and they automatically assume that!? WTF?! So, I eventually convinced them that all I'm here for is a cold/flu thing and they unwillingly diagnose it. Literally, it was like pulling teeth to get them to diagnose anything other than whoredom.

Although they weren't very helpful they did manage to tell me I look like shit!

I can stink if I want to

So today is my birthday. I am officially 19, yay!

Last night when I went to bed I thought that since tomorrow was my birthday I would want to get all pretty and birthday-like and shower in the morning.

I set my alarm for 6:30... an hour earlier than usual.

When my alarm went off this morning I realized that I was being far too optimistic and decided that I was not going to get up an hour early, I was not going to get pretty and birthday-like, I was going to go back to sleep.

As I crawled out of bed to reset the alarm I seriously considered smashing it on the ground. HOW DARE YOU AWAKE THE SLEEPING BIRTHDAY PRINCESS?!

So when I finally fell back asleep it was the best hour ever...

So when the alarm went off again, I was finally more willing to get up. After all, even birthday girls can't  miss class. But I was NOT going to get ready...

I decided since today was my birthday I could stink if I wanted to. And I did. I stank the best birthday stink, ever.

So take THAT society. :)

I'm selling my eggs... maybe

I am broke. Broke. Broke. Broke. I'll say it again, broke. Just for emphasis. I guess I can now join the BROKE college student club. Ha, enough with the brokes. Anyways, I was browsing the internet earlier and I came across something very interesting. Women can sell their eggs for a lot of money. A LOT OF MONEY, I'm talking about $10,000 per egg, people. I already get rid of one a month naturally so why not sell that one or more?! I mean, technically, I've already lost... $1,080,000 from not ever harvesting my eggs. Shit! What the hell am I doing in college? I should just sell my eggs and I will be set! But unfortunately as I kept reading into this money maker I soon realized that its actually really scary and invasive, boo. 


What I learned in condensed list form:
1. They stick a huge needle up your 'no-no zone' through your internals and into your ovaries. Once there they suck out eggs all while using some sort of ultra sound technology. 
2. This procedure is so invasive to your body that they have to sedate you. And it requires a recovery time. 


You're welcome, thats an hours worth of reading and research condensed into 2 bullets. :) 


Back to they story, so there are also requirements for the ideal egg: Round, microscopic, given by a human who's a female...kidding. But in actuality the requirements are for the donator to be between 5'-5'7'' tall, attractive, white, blond and blue eyed. 


Are we sure Hitler is really dead and isn't making an army?


So the more and more I read into this the more and more I started to really doubt that I would do it, although it sounded good. On paper. One huge set back for me was that I would have a kid walking around, well grown egg?, and I wouldn't even know them. Too weird for me. So I finally concluded that I'm not going to do it but I wanted to write about it just in case someone else reading this was poor too and needed alternatives. Should also probably be female, maybe. 

Mmm...leathery

People constantly make fun of me because I'm so white. I literally can see my veins through my skin in some places. Ghostly. But it's ok, I like it. I will never become prematurely wrinkly. I understand that a tan looks great, sure. But I'm just not into the whole sun damage aspect. People have also suggested sunless tanners to me but I'm hesitant to use those too because I don't want some weird chemical being absorbed into my body... Knowing my luck I'd turn into something weird.

So back to tanning.
When your younger than 25 tanning is acceptable, for the most part. Maybe even when your 30. But after that, come on, you're not 20 anymore. No one wants to see your icky butt roasting in the sun. Don't even get me started on women who tan topless who are OVER 40. Gross.

Let me show you what your doing to your skin... drawing style!

 Though you may not see the result immediately you will eventually look like this.... 

Which reminds me of...

Mmm... leather skin.